Jimmy, Rosalynn Carter Announce Divorce

PLAINS, GA—Calling the split entirely amicable and long overdue, Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter confirmed their divorce to the press in statement released Tuesday. “Frankly, we both couldn’t be more excited to put our respective pasts behind us and embark on the next chapter of our lives,” read a joint statement released by the 98-year-old former president and 95-year-old former first lady, confirming that the two would remain friends and still held fondness in their hearts for all they had been through together, but that they had simply realized it was time for something new. “Even the strongest 76-year marriages can’t handle all the trials and tribulations that come with time. It’s important for us to step apart from one another so that we can continue to grow. Jimmy already has a fantastic bachelor pad set up across town. More than anything, this makes us both so thrilled to see what the future has in store for us in terms of life and love.” At press time, a spokesperson for Jimmy Carter confirmed that the president had already matched with a 21-year-old nursing student on Tinder and planned a date to grab drinks later this week.