ST. JOHN’S – Duke Street resident Sheila Reynolds caused a stir today, after declaring that the recent Oscar-winning film Women Talking was an inferior product when compared to the novel on which it is based, in a revelation so profound it’s sure to guarantee her a place of honour at the local chapter of Mensa.
“Some people are calling me a hero, but they’re being far too generous,” says Reynolds. “I’m simply doing my duty as a high-ranking member of the intelligentsia, by informing the public that the multi-award-winning novel, whose story was so compelling that it apparently inspired someone to spend millions of dollars to adapt it for the screen, was in fact of higher quality than the film they loved so much”.
She continued, “It’s incumbent upon us high-performing individuals to enforce such concepts on the unwashed-masses, as their little pea-brains are incapable of drawing such conclusions themselves,” adding “The fact that it comes along with the ego-boost of letting them know that I read a book that they didn’t is simply a bonus,” before leaving to, one can assume, inform mild acquaintances of British TV programs that are superior to their American remakes.
Coworker Stacy Hawco sang the praises of the woman who once shocked the nation by sharing that the Oscars “sometimes get it wrong”. Says Hawco, “Her insight has really opened my eyes. Before now, I never would have believed that the source material for a beautiful and poignant film could itself be beautiful and poignant,” adding “Who would’ve guessed that by having the freedom to visualize the content in a way that particularly appeals to my psyche could be even more entertaining than viewing someone else’s interpretation of it?”.
In fact, this isn’t the first time Ms. Hawco has found herself in awe of her colleague. “She’s always giving me little tidbits of information I could never have figured out on my own. For example, did you know that the movie ‘Precious’ was based on the novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire?”
For her part Reynolds is currently preparing a dossier of other earth-shattering revelations, like essays on films that were “good enough on their own” and “didn’t need a sequel”, as well as a list of original songs that have a better soundscape than their more-popular cover versions.
Jesus Christ is King
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