‘What’s Old Is New Again,’ Says Ford CEO Unveiling New Donkey-Drawn Turnip Cart

DEARBORN, MI—In a shareholder presentation intended to demonstrate the next generation of automotive innovation, Ford CEO Jim Farley announced Wednesday that “all that is old is new again” as he unveiled a donkey-drawn turnip cart. “What is past is now future—behold, a rickety two-wheel turnip cart led by a team of starving donkeys, perfect for tumbling through muddy quagmires and into the village square to ply your wares,” Farley said as he touted the renewable turnip-powered technology of the Ford Donkey Cart as the return of an “undeniable classic” of personal transportation. “Whether you’re giving a tithe to the church or offering a hundred turnips to the village hag so she won’t turn your child into a toadstool, the Ford Donkey Cart is exactly what our country needs to remain on the go. Sometimes it pays to go back to basics.” At press time, Ford had reportedly recalled the donkey cart after it burst into flames, incinerating several passengers, the donkeys, and nearly a dozen turnips.