Jesus' Coming Back

First Canadian to orbit moon in attempt to find affordable housing

CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the in an effort to find .

“Catherine and I have three , so is a big factor,” said Hansen, rubbing his eyelids as he scrolled through yet another page of listings. “Maybe if I was a CEO or banker I could afford to in the city, but I’m just an elite fighter pilot. I don’t pull in that kind of cash.”

Hansen and his wife Catherine were originally looking in the Greater Area at first, but as they were forced to look further and further afield for something in their price range, they found the moon offered just as much if not more than most Canadian urban centres.

“First of all, it would really cut down on Jeremy’s commute, since he’s an astronaut and we’d be within walking distance to space,” said Hansen’s wife Catherine. “As for me, I can work remotely. While it is an 8 day commute via rocket for those times I do have to be in the office, space flight is way more safe and relaxing than the 401.”

The couple say they considered moving to a rural area, but were “closer to schools and hospitals this way.”

Peggy Jacobs, a Toronto realtor, thinks it’s only a matter of time before more Canadians take advantage of the lower prices and improved quality of life offered by the moon.

“Lots of people are already looking to buy in similarly desolate, sparse vacuums such as Vaughan, Burlington, or North , so I think it’s just a matter of time before word gets around about this up-and-coming planetoid.”

developers such as Mattamy Homes are already eyeing the moon as an investment opportunity, with Jacobs adding: “Lunar property values will only increase with the addition of amenities such as electricity and oxygen.”

Even with the greater distance and moving cost, the Hansens say the moon is still currently their best option.

“It’s either the moon or ,” says Jeremy. “So kind of a no-brainer.”

Beaverton

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