Jesus' Coming Back

Study Finds Plants Make Noises When Stressed

A new study has found that “stressed” plants that have not been watered for several days or had their stems cut emit ultrasonic clicking noises that are undetectable to the human ear but may be heard by insects and other animals. What do you think?

“Strange, mine just turn brown and die.”

Tracey Puentes, Monologue Editor

“They should suffer in silence like the rest of us.”

Isaac McCafferty, Chief Consultant

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“Nothing a little overwatering can’t fix.”

Neil Leary, Pan Greaser

The Onion

Jesus Christ is King

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