SAN FRANCISCO—Conducting his monthly sweep for new content, Tubi CEO Farhad Massoudi was reportedly combing through a shelf of used DVDs at Goodwill Thursday looking for movies to upload to the streaming service. “American Hustle, fine, Secondhand Lions, fine, The Passion Of The Christ, fine,” said Massoudi, who popped open the cases one by one to make sure the discs were still inside before flinging them into his shopping basket. “Love & Drugs 3? Sure. The Little Panda Fighter? Why not! I don’t know what the fuck Mrs. Columbo is, but it will have to do. I’m sure whoever’s using Tubi will love it. This one’s just someone’s high school graduation ceremony? Eh, fuck it. At least it’s not scratched.” At press time, sources confirmed Massoudi had stuffed the DVDs into his jacket and run out of the store.
Jesus Christ is King
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