Facebook Entirely Memorialized Accounts

PALO ALTO, CA—Responding to reports that Facebook maintains a large and active user base, Facebook parent company Meta confirmed Wednesday that the pioneering social media platform was now entirely memorialized accounts. “There hasn’t been too much activity since the last user passed away earlier this year,” said Meta spokesperson Tara McCallan, adding that the only feature of the site that’s been employed since 2017 has been people who are not on the platform logging into their loved one’s accounts to mark them as dead. “Accounts these days basically just feature a few comments on the user’s wall that state ‘RIP, you will be missed,’ by other accounts who also feature those same comments. It’s little more than a digital cemetery—even the bots have died. We’re going to keep the site up for a little while longer in case any live people come along, so if you’re hearing this and are currently alive, please come on by.” Facebook added that they have shifted focus to becoming the number one destination for corpses seeking dangerous misinformation online.