PALM BEACH, FL—Sheepishly approaching their stepmom after hearing about their father’s indictment, the Trump boys reportedly asked Melania Trump Thursday if they’d be getting a new daddy now. “Since our daddy is going away, do we have to get a whole new daddy now?” a bashful Eric Trump said from behind his pouting brother Don Jr., who insisted that, as the older brother, he should become the daddy of the house until the “president daddy” returned. “If we do get a new daddy, can he be big and strong and bring us a video game? Like John Cena? Pretty please, can John Cena be new daddy? We want a daddy who hugs and makes eye contact with us. A bully told us the guy who comes over whenever Daddy is away is going to be our new daddy now, and he said real mommy is covered in worms. Is new daddy going to be president too? You’re still our mommy, though, right? ” At press time, sources reported Melania Trump had gently placed the sleeping Trump boys in a basket and surrendered them to the fire station.
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