‘The Sound Of Gunfire Doesn’t Dismiss You, I Do,’ Says Teacher Forcing Class To Sit Back Down In Desks

HOUSTON—Scolding her class for jumping to their feet prematurely, local teacher Jana Stoebel reportedly stated, “The sound of gunfire doesn’t dismiss you, I do,” on Tuesday, forcing the students to sit back down. “Did I say you could get back up?” said the stern 4th-grade instructor, who told her class there would be plenty of time to barricade themselves behind her desk after she finished assigning their fractions unit homework. “I don’t care how many gun shots just rang out, get your butts back in your seats this instant. No, you may not jump out the window. Do you think your middle school teachers are going to tolerate you getting up during a mass shooting like this? No. I’m the authority in this classroom, not the gunman.” At press time, Stoebel had confiscated the shooter’s gun and sent him to the principal’s office for making too much noise in the hallway.