The Dalai Lama recently made headlines when video emerged of him asking a young boy to suck his tongue—not the first time the Tibetan leader has caused controversy. The Onion takes a look at the Dalai Lama’s background, political positions, and the facts behind the recent controversy.
Alma Mater: Tibet State.
Religion: Methodist.
Childhood Dream: To not be taken away from his parents at 2 years old.
Worst Past Life: Nine years as a sea cucumber.
Yoga Level: Beginner intermediate.
Association With NXIVM Sex Cult: Honored guest speaker.
Xbox Gamertag: HedShotzXXX.
Favorite Place To Vacation: Higher plane of existence.
Preferred Rating For Female Reincarnation: A solid 8.
Tongue Texture: A little dry.
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