Political Profile: The Dalai Lama

The Dalai Lama recently made headlines when video emerged of him asking a young boy to suck his tongue—not the first time the Tibetan leader has caused controversy. The Onion takes a look at the Dalai Lama’s background, political positions, and the facts behind the recent controversy.

Alma Mater: Tibet State.

Religion: Methodist.

Childhood Dream: To not be taken away from his parents at 2 years old.

Worst Past Life: Nine years as a sea cucumber.

Yoga Level: Beginner intermediate.

Association With NXIVM Sex Cult: Honored guest speaker.

Xbox Gamertag: HedShotzXXX.

Favorite Place To Vacation: Higher plane of existence.

Preferred Rating For Female Reincarnation: A solid 8.

Tongue Texture: A little dry.