Embattled Dalai Lama Quietly Reincarnated To Remote Tibetan Village

DHARAMSHALA, INDIA—In an effort to avoid further controversy after the religious leader’s recent scandal, the embattled Dalai Lama was said to have been quietly reincarnated to a remote Tibetan village Thursday. “In light of recent events, His Holiness has been reincarnated to a rural temple where he will live out his next existence as a dragonfly,” read a statement released by Namgyal Monastery, explaining the organization’s hope that the Dalai Lama would avoid further tarnishing the Gelug school of Tibetan Buddhism while he flew through the air, sunned himself on flat rocks, and ate flies and midges. “We’ve actually had a great deal of success responding to past misconduct by reincarnating other high lamas as wild yaks or black-necked cranes. While we’re dealing with the fallout of their behavior, they can cool their heels for a few hundred years working through their past karma in the hopes of reaching nirvana.” At press time, the dragonfly was reportedly caught and disciplined after trying to fly into a young boy’s open mouth.