Noom Guarantees Refund For Customers Who Fail At Developing Full-Fledged Eating Disorder In 2 Months

NEW YORK—Guaranteeing their weight-loss program would deliver permanent results, Noom officials announced Thursday they would issue a full refund to any new customers who failed to develop a full-fledged eating disorder in two months. “Noom isn’t like other weight-loss programs—we use psychology to make you hate yourself,” said Noom CEO Saeju Jeong, boasting that nearly 80% of users who downloaded the company’s app managed to developed anorexia, bulimia, or another eating disorder within just a few weeks. “If you don’t develop a damaged, complicated relationship with food by the end of your first eight weeks, then the cost is on us. Our modules are fun, easy to follow, and traumatizing.We promise Noom will lead you down a dark, dangerous path—fast! Sign up today for the chance to be in recovery for the rest of your life.” At press time, Noom was receiving backlash online from users frustrated that their eating disorders hadn’t even made them thin.