Thousands Of Beef Ribs Fall From Sky Onto Empty Plates Of Texans Who Strapped On Bib, Prayed For Dinner

DIMMITT, TX—After a devastating explosion at an industrial dairy farm that reportedly killed at least 18,000 head of cattle, hungry Texans who had strapped on a bib and prayed for dinner Thursday cheered when thousands of beef ribs fell from the sky and landed directly on their empty plates. “Hallelujah, the good Lord hath provided!” shouted elated Texas residents, who danced and cried tears of joy as several thousand tons of mouthwatering, perfectly cooked beef ribs, T-bones, strip steaks, and ground beef rained down from the heavens and appeared before them just seconds after they closed their eyes, banged their forks and knives on the table, and said, “Amen.” “Dear God, we thank You for this bounty of brisket and hot links. We thank You for allowing us to step outside, open our mouths, and have meatballs fall straight down our gullets. In Your name, we hold out our empty buns to catch Your chuck burgers, dear Lord! Now, O God in Heaven, please bless us with some sauce to douse these tasty cuts of heavenly beef. Amen.” At press time, millions of Texans had reportedly prayed for a side of baked beans, only for God to reward them with an explosion at a nearby canning factory.