Man Delays Exit From Burning House To Avoid Small Talk With Neighbors

BOZEMAN, MT—Smoke filling his lungs as he waited back, local man Colin Jensen reportedly delayed his exit from his burning house Friday to avoid small talk with his neighbors. “The flames are definitely getting closer, but if I can hold out for five more minutes, maybe the Harrisons will go back inside and I won’t be forced to exchange pleasantries,” said a hacking Jensen, patiently biding his time by the flame-engulfed door and annoyed that his neighbors appeared to just be milling about outside in the front lawn gawking at the burning building. “Ugh, I just know if I go out there, she’s going to talk my ear off asking about my burns. Maybe I could stop, drop, and roll past without them noticing?” At press time, sources confirmed a relieved Jensen burned to death in the fire without having to talk to anyone.