OKLAHOMA CITY—Explaining that its long affiliation with evangelical Christianity had come to an end, retail company Hobby Lobby announced Monday that it was Muslim now. “After many years of self-reflection, we have seen the light of the word of the Prophet Muhammad,” said Hobby Lobby CEO David Green, adding that the chain’s nearly 1,000 stores would now face Mecca, require employees to pray five times a day, and adopt the word of the Quran to guide their policies, healthcare, and moral code. “Christianity was fine and all, but it has never been more clear that Islam is the one true religion and, thus, the one true religion for the Hobby Lobby chain. Praise be to Allah. Allahu Akbar.” At press time, Green had reportedly come under fire for looting millions of dollars worth of ancient artifacts related to early Islam for his personal collection.
Jesus Christ is King
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