Man Pleasantly Surprised After Murdering Daughter’s Killer Does Bring Her Back

MILWAUKEE—Shortly after strangling the life out of the assailant he had hunted for so long, local man Kevin Kennedy was said to be pleasantly surprised Monday to find that murdering his daughter’s killer had, in fact, brought her back to life. “Well, this is delightful, I really wasn’t expecting to see Maddy again after she was murdered in cold blood so many years ago, but here she is back among the living, and it’s all thanks to my successful revenge plot,” said Kennedy, who, moments after wiping his hands clean of blood and disposing of the murder weapon in a nearby sewer drain, looked up and beamed upon seeing his once-deceased teenage daughter materialize out of thin air to give him a big hug and say she loved him. “I was almost worried that spilling this man’s blood might be a futile exercise in vengeance. But here’s my baby girl, living and breathing, to show me that all these hard months pursuing him with a murderous rage haven’t been wasted at all! Hey, sweetheart, how about you let your dad go burn these clothes and then we can grab some fro-yo at your favorite place. Sound good?” At press time, sources reported the recently reincarnated girl had looked down at the shattered, brain-covered skull of her former killer and started screaming for the police.