Police Read Wealthy Suspect Special Miranda Warning Outlining Right To Impunity

JACKSON, WY—In an effort to inform the rich offender that he could do whatever he wanted, Jackson police officer David Pratt read a wealthy suspect a special Miranda warning Monday outlining his right to impunity. “You have the right to remain immune from all consequences of your actions,” read Pratt, explaining to Kenneth Fuller, a multimillionaire under arrest for drunk driving, that anything he said can and will be obeyed by the police without question. “You have the right to speak to a team of high-powered attorneys you keep on retainer. If you cannot bring yourself to pay for an attorney, it doesn’t really matter, because the charges will inevitably be dropped.” At press time, Fuller was seen walking out of police headquarters, having been released immediately and thanked for agreeing not to file a lawsuit against the department for inconveniencing him on his way home.