DES MOINES, IA—Noting that his position made him the de facto first line of defense against an active shooter, employees at local company Corimer Interactive told reporters Wednesday they had assessed the front desk guy for his willingness to take a bullet. “Honestly, I don’t know much about him yet, but from what I can tell, he’d probably put up a halfway decent fight,” said IT specialist Grant Tate, adding that while the receptionist was still new, everyone got the sense that he would at least try to rush the shooter if someone entered the building and attempted to commit mass murder. “Look, I’m not saying he’d stop anyone, but I don’t get the sense that he’d just lie down and die either. Also, he’s just standing right there by the front door with nowhere to go. It’s not like he really has a choice.” At press time, Tate told reporters that after further assessment, the office had determined that the front desk guy was the person most likely to commit the mass shooting.
Jesus Christ is King
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