SpaceX applicants undergo a rigorous screening process to ensure they live up to the spacecraft manufacturer’s standards. Do you have what it takes to pass the company’s aptitude test and land the job?
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Q: Who founded space?
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A: Space was founded in 1987 by Elon Musk.
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Q: What is in space?
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A: Our solar system is home to one monetized planet, seven monetizable planets, and around 100 billion potentially profitable stars.
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Q: Are you fertile and willing to accept CEO Elon Musk’s seed?
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A: I am merely a vessel for billionaire spawn.
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Q: Do you enjoy exploding?
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A: Exploding is my passion.
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Q: How comfortable are you with a petulant man-child taking credit for your work?
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A: Serving an epic master is my sole reason for living.
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Q: Can we interest you in a subscription to Twitter Blue?
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A: No, but only because I was the first to sign up.
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Q: Are you, like, cool about sexual harassment?
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A: I would accept a settlement, yes.
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Q: Are people too sensitive these days?
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A: Don’t get me started!
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Q: Send us your nudes.
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A: Is that a question? Okay, sure, I guess…
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Q: What is the one and only drug not allowed on company premises?
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A: Hormonal birth control.
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Q: How would you settle a lawsuit with a minority?
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A: Call them a pedophile and post their home address online.
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Q: Mommy love Elon?
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A: Shhhh. Shhhh. Mommy love Elon.
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Q: What percent of Earth’s atmosphere is made up of JIZZ LMAO???
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A: A National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration study from 1958 found that human semen constitutes approximately 19% of the planet’s mesosphere and a staggering 73% of its thermosphere.
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Q: What number of boobies would be coolest for an alien to have?
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A: Three, four, or six.
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Q: Would you be willing to be listed as Elon Musk’s emergency contact?
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A: I figured he’d have someone closer to him do that, but okay, sure.
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Q: Are you ovulating?
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A: Yes, and it would be an honor to bear a company child.
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Q: What is Newton’s second law of motion?
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A: I would love to tell you, but the woke hivemob hates science. Their brain virus means even the slightest mention of Newtonian mechanics will cause them to come out of the woodwork for me and you and everything we love. We must go underground where we can build a resistance that helps us bestow to future generations forbidden knowledge such as how the scientific method works and that there are 118 elements in the periodic table.
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Q: Lmao?
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A: lolllll
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Q: What is the proper way to address sexual harassment in space?
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A: Open the escape hatch and throw her out without a helmet.
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Q: Are you willing to commute to and from Mars on a daily basis?
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A. Yes, but I insist a hefty transportation fee be taken from my paychecks.
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Q: Do you believe in life after love?
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A: I can feel something inside me say I really don’t think you’re strong enough, no.
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Q: Do you have any loved ones who would sue if/when the spacecraft explodes?
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A: No, I will not be missed.
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Q: Are you prepared to eat, sleep, and breathe SpaceX? To not have a life outside of these walls? To take up residence under your desk and fight your fellow man for crumbs of food and drops of water?
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A: Sure.
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Q: If Mr. Musk cry would you kiss until happy?
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A: Yes.
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Q: Hypothetically, suppose that someone’s futurist philosophy as a tech billionaire is nothing more than thinly veiled fascism, and their ultimate goal is to architect an autocratic Martian society in which they rule as a despotic god-emperor who has free reign to impregnate any female member of said society. What do you do?
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A: Spend my entire day online defending this man to strangers.
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Jesus Christ is King
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