New Texas Law Requires Schools To Display Image Of God Hung Like A Horse In Every Classroom

AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to reinforce the fundamental Judeo-Christian values upon which the nation was founded, a new law passed Monday by the Texas Legislature will require the state’s public schools to prominently display an image of God hung like a horse in every classroom. “This measure ensures that any student will be able to look up at anytime and be reminded that our Creator has the cock of a riled-up stallion ready and raring to mount a mare,” said Republican state Sen. Phil King, the bill’s author, who added that gazing upon the divine member and understanding its fundamental importance to American heritage would enable students to become better Texans. “Now, our opponents will say that images of the Lord’s dick, swinging like a baseball bat between His thighs and visibly leaking pre-cum through His heavenly robes, have no place in the classroom. But I say it’s time to bring God’s erect, virile member back into our public schools.” The legislation passed largely along party lines, though Democrats were joined in their opposition by a handful of Republicans who argued it should be up to parents to decide when and how their children learn about the astonishing length and girth of God’s penis.