Laser-Focused Liberal Still Devoting All His Attention To Getting Ellen To Apologize

BOSTON—Insisting that the former talk show host make amends for the real harm she had caused, laser-focused liberal Greg Lomax was reportedly still devoting all his attention this week to getting Ellen DeGeneres to apologize. “Until the day I die, I will not veer in my mission to see her issue a sincere apology for creating a toxic workplace,” said the determined liberal man, whose years-long campaign to see the television personality honestly reckon with her actions had taken precedence over climate change, voting rights, immigration reform, and dozens of other national issues. “I have sent thousands of tweets to Ellen on this subject. I have derailed other conversations about prison reform and reproductive rights to emphasize how she was mean to that one janitor. Yes, she cried on TV, but that isn’t enough, goddamn it. I don’t give a shit if her talk show has been off the air for a year. We need justice. Everyone needs to spread the word, get into comments sections online, and demand to know why Ellen has not gotten drinks to smooth things over with the employees she harassed.” Lomax went on to admit that he had not voted in the time since DeGeneres’ misconduct emerged, but that was only because he understood how inherently broken any system must be to allow the comedian and television host to still be out there walking free.