Chair Of Tim Scott Exploratory Committee Finds GOP Voters Have One Big Reservation But Doesn’t Want To Say It

CHARLESTON, SC—Assuring the White House hopeful that his polling so far had been largely positive, the chair of Republican Sen. Tim Scott’s exploratory committee mentioned Thursday that GOP voters did have one big reservation about him, but that he didn’t want to say what it was. “Overall, there was plenty of enthusiasm for a Tim Scott presidential run among the Republicans we surveyed, except for one little thing, which, well, I’d frankly rather not get into with you right now,” said exploratory chair Devin Sloan, who reportedly avoided eye contact with the South Carolina senator while emphasizing that conservative voters loved his many years of political experience and strong Christian faith, but there was a certain stubborn problem that just kept coming up in focus groups. “Look, there’s no real good way to say this. You’re great on paper. They love where you stand on the issues, and you’ve been a senator for a decade, so logically, they should all want to vote for you. But overall, Republicans don’t really feel like they could get a beer with you, if that makes sense. No? Well, what if I told you many said you seemed ‘too urban’? Would that clarify things?” At press time, Sloan had reportedly panicked and blurted out that voters had reservations about casting their ballot for Scott because he was bald.