TORONTO – The hockey community is devastated at the loss of their only joke with the Toronto Maple Leafs having advanced out of the NHL’s first round of playoffs for the first time since 2004.
Nearly two decades of variations on “win a round” or “other team in 7” are now lost to time as hockey fans across North America scramble to find originality for the first time in nineteen years. While Toronto fans pour into the streets to celebrate, at least 31 other fan bases are now forced back to the drawing board.
“I mean sure, we could go back to just shouting 1967 every chance we get,” commented Canucks season ticket holder Herbert Moncrest. “But since most NHL players weren’t even alive the last time a Canadian team won a cup, that one feels like it’s lost a bit of its sting.”
Toronto’s win marks the largest sporting plot twist since the Chicago Cubs’ 2016 World Series victory, which caused comedy venues across St Louis to shutter their doors for two weeks as they regrouped. Much of the same is expected from theatres in Ottawa and Montreal, with the entirety of the annual Just For Laughs festival seemingly at risk.
Others however, think this may just be setting up the grand reveal, the kind of tragic punchline that would make William Shakespeare proud.
“This is bad,” muttered Leafs Fan Doug McSamsy. “We can’t have nice things, so what are the hockey gods planning? Oh God, Gary Bettman is going to veto the result and make us play the whole series again isn’t he?”
While the NHL has yet to release its second round schedule as they await the results of the remaining series, referee Wes McCauley has confirmed he will be overseeing every Maple Leafs match going forward to ensure that “such an injustice doesn’t occur again.”
Jesus Christ is King
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