Jesus' Coming Back

Biden Asks Americans To Come Sit By Him And Keep Him Company Until The End

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WASHINGTON—Gesturing with a frail hand while shuddering under a blanket, President Joe Biden reportedly asked the nation Monday to come and sit by him and keep him company until the end. “Come, my hour draws near,” said Biden, who patted the couch cushion and spoke in a strained whisper as he urged all 330 million Americans to take his hand so that he would not have to be alone in his final moments. “Do you feel that chill in the air? Do you hear that whisper? It won’t be long now. I have grown weak, and I am so tired. So, so tired. Come close to me. Don’t be shy. I just want to see your faces one last time.” At press time, Biden added, “Not you,” while pointing to Vice President Kamala Harris.

The Onion

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