Even in Texas, residents must pass a written test in order to carry a handgun. Could you pass it?
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Q: Label the parts of a gun.
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A: 1. Gun Hole. 2. Shooty Tube. 3. Clicky Lever. 4. Bullet Hut. 5. Shaft. 6. My Best Friend.
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Q: How big is this town?
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A: Not big enough for the two of us.
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Q: Where is the safest place to store guns in the home?
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A: Loaded guns should be placed throughout the home: one on the nightstand, one next to the toothbrush in the bathroom, a family gun for the dining room table, and it is polite to keep a small basket of loaner guns for any houseguests.
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Q: What is the Responsible Gun Owner’s Creed?
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A: “My gun is my life; my gun is my wife / Through bullets and steel, I know how to feel / A gun for today, a gun on the morrow / Have I ever no gun, I will feel only sorrow.”
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Q: Describe an irresponsible handling of a gun.
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A: Allowing a woman to touch one.
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Q: What should you do if your young child gets his hands on a loaded weapon and aims it at you?
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A: Tell him you’ve never been prouder of him.
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Q: To shoot safely, you must know _______.
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A: Your target’s race.
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Q: Have you passed a background check?
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A: Nobody made me do one because I am a white person.
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Q: Yee?
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A: Haw!
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Q: Should you fire using your left or right hand?
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A: Trick question. Both hands should be holding a gun.
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Q: How many bullets would it take to kill the sun?
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A: Five hollow point or 13 full metal jacket ones.
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Q: Can guns die?
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A: No, guns can never die, which technically makes them gods.
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Q: A safety is located around the receiver of the firearm and _______.
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A: Is for pussies.
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Q: There’s an active shooter inside a school, and you are nearby with a concealed carry firearm. What do you do?
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A: Get a little breakfast. Maybe do some shopping.
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Q: Describe a scenario in which the deployment of a gun is absolutely necessary.
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A: The waitress hasn’t come by to check on our table in over 10 minutes.
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Q: The Second Amendment allows Americans to bear arms to protect themselves from the following:
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A: Delivery people, schoolchildren, wives, and large crowds gathering at public events.
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Q: Name a reputable place to procure a firearm.
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A: In the big bucket labeled “FREE LOADED GUNS.”
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Q: Betcha can’t shoot this empty beer can off a toddler’s head from 50 yards away.
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A: Betcha I can.
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Q: How would you define the term “warning shot”?
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A: Every round of ammo you have shot straight at whatever is making you feel scared.
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Q: When cleaning a firearm, the first step is to _______.
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A: Shoot off one’s finger.
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Q: After the firing pin strikes the primer of the ammunition igniting the powder and causing it to burn, what happens?
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A: The gun owner gets a huge erection.
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Q: Describe the typical migration pattern of a Glock 47.
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A: Born in Texas, migrates to California, crosses the border to Mexico for winter, then returns to Texas to mate.
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Q: What is the minimum age one must be to purchase a gun in Texas?
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A: Six weeks.
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Congratulations! You have grown frustrated with answering questions and begun firing bullets at the test. You pass!
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