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Eric Adams Killed By Vigilante After Acting Erratic As Mayor

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NEW YORK—In a viral video that has put heightened pressure on local authorities, a vigilante reportedly killed Eric Adams Thursday after he acted erratically as mayor of New York. “While I didn’t want to do it, [Adams] was ranting and raving incoherently, making me fear for my safety and the safety of everyone around me,” said the unnamed vigilante, who claimed he felt threatened when the visibly unhinged mayor took the microphone at a press conference and began screaming about gutting the city’s social services, an act that left him with no choice but to put Adams in a choke hold for over 15 minutes. “He was acting all crazy up there on the podium, and I just had this gut feeling that if he didn’t hurt me, he was going to hurt someone else. It’s lucky I was there; otherwise, who knows what he, as a high level official, could have done. We can’t have mayors like that loose on the streets of New York.” At press time, the City of New York had released a short statement indicating that while any loss of life was tragic, there were clearly serious mental health issues at play in the incident.

The Onion

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