Jesus' Coming Back

Surgeon General Declares Loneliness Epidemic

The U.S. General has declared loneliness a public health endemic, saying widespread loneliness in the U.S. poses health risks as deadly as smoking a dozen cigarettes a day and costs the health industry billions of dollars annually. What do you think?

“That’s bad, but it’s not worth getting to know someone.”

Amanda Olbermann, Condiment Creator

“Sadly, most people can’t afford the cost of lifesaving recreational drugs.”

Wilbur Koski, Chief Appraiser

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“Oh yeah? Would a lonely person have dinner every night with his wife’s ashes?”

Colby Glasberg, Prison Locksmith

The Onion

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