Jesus' Coming Back

Leafs pleased they could find a more creative way to devastate fans than just losing in first round again

Whatever city the Panthers play in, FL – Staring down a potential sweep to the after turning in a truly horrendous effort in Game 3, The Maple say they are pleased to have found a new way to emotionally destroy their fanbase beyond the usual heartbreaking loss in the first round.

“Sure we could have just choked away the 3-1 lead to Tampa,” said . “But the emotional injury that was inflicted would have barely registered to a fanbase that experienced that only two years ago against Montreal. We had to do something new.”

“Everyone knows, it’s the hope that kills you. So we thought we’d give our a little taste of hope for a change before we delivered the killing blow.”

The Leafs brainstormed for days on how best to punish a fanbase that has supported them unfailingly without reward for decades. They considered going all the way to the Cup Finals for the first time before losing to the Oilers 10-0 every game, but eventually decided that would take too long and interrupt their planned vacations. So they settled on simply going 0-4 against a Panthers team that has only a fraction of their talent.

“You gotta keep them on their toes. I think this sets the table nicely for me signing with Phoenix or next summer and immediately leading them to a championship,” said .

“Yup they got me again. Well done fellas! Good one,” said fan Martin Cohen as tears streamed down his cheeks without interruption.

At press time Maple Leafs & had announced that, in the wake of the team making it to the second round, season ticket prices would be going up 15%.

Beaverton

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