CHICAGO—Following an investigation from the U.S. Department of Labor, McDonald’s was under fire Monday for reportedly employing a 7-year-old Grimace. “We discovered this young Grimace late one night at McDonald’s, working all alone, without breaks or even pay,” said department spokesperson Layla Perkins, who slammed the report’s findings as an egregious violation of labor laws, noting that the young purple furry monster was working at the fast food restaurant in excess of 50 hours a week. “This enigmatic purple blob shouldn’t be operating a deep fryer, he should be at school with friends, or doing whatever Grimaces do. What’s even more troubling is the revelation that we have no idea where his mom Grimace or dad Grimace are. For the time being, the Grimace has been placed into foster care.” At press time, Powell added that the department had also discovered the restaurant employing an underage Mayor McCheese.
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