ANN ARBOR, MI—Addressing the woman who was growing to be more of a stranger every day, local man Ted Everett reportedly tried to save his marriage Tuesday by complimenting his wife’s jacket. “It looks really nice on you,” said Everett, telling his wife of five years that it “fits [her] really well” and asking where she had gotten it, a last-ditch attempt to salvage the relationship that had kept him afloat, emotionally and socially, throughout his adult life. “Oh, I got that for you? Sorry, I didn’t remember. Kohl’s, right. You’re heading out? Okay. Bye. No, I didn’t have anything else to say. Yeah, bye.” At press time, sources confirmed Everett’s wife had stepped back inside, kissed him passionately on the lips, and said that the divorce was off because of all the beautiful things he’d said about her jacket.
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