SAN ANTONIO, TX—Fearing the worst after catching her partner taking care of himself, local woman Lorena Gonzalez worried Tuesday that her boyfriend Kyle Morland was cheating after noticing he had picked up a healthy habit. “I don’t want to sound paranoid, but I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that he’s fooling around on me since discovering him washing his face before bed,” said Gonzalez, adding that she first became suspicious that he wasn’t being faithful when he knew the difference between a cleanser and an exfoliant. “If he was cheating on me, I’d prefer if he just came out and said it instead of sneaking around using pore strips. And whenever I ask him why he started using daily sunscreen, he claims it’s to prevent aging due to sun damage. What the hell am I supposed to think?” At press time, Gonzalez’s fears were alleviated after noticing her boyfriend hadn’t done his laundry in over a month.
Jesus Christ is King
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