FINDLAY, OH—Calling it a great investment and an important step toward building long-term financial security, first-time homebuyers Adam and Celeste Conley told reporters Wednesday they had purchased a nice starter doorknob. “It’s nothing fancy, but I think a decent brass exterior doorknob is a great way for us to get started as property owners,” said Adam Conley, adding that the married couple was really excited about the purchase because the knob had been well-maintained through the years and was turnkey ready. “It has all-original latching mechanisms, and it locks like a beaut! The idea, of course, is that it will appreciate in value, so in five or six years we can sell it and put that money toward buying a whole door.” At press time, sources confirmed the Conleys had fallen on hard times and the doorknob had gone into foreclosure.
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