Poll: Majority Of Americans Don’t Trust Trump Or Biden To Watch Their Stuff While They’re In Bathroom

WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Wednesday by the Pew Research Center, the majority of Americans don’t trust Donald Trump or Joe Biden to watch their stuff while they are in the bathroom. “Our survey of over 10,000 likely voters found that three quarters of Americans don’t believe President Biden or former President Trump would be trustworthy stewards of their laptop or book bag while they were indisposed,” said Pew spokesperson Rachel Yang, stressing that 37% of respondents suggested that both presidents would willingly let a thief run away with their possessions, while 53% thought the politicians would rifle through their backpack or purse. “Significant numbers registered their belief that Biden would forget that he had even been entrusted with protecting their valuables, while others speculated that Trump might turn their computer into the barista and ask for a reward. A small contingent even worried the presidents would make jokes about them being on the toilet to fellow patrons. These are bleak results for the frontrunners heading into 2024—some of the lowest since the 1980 election, when most thought they would leave the bathroom to find Jimmy Carter wandering over and finishing their half-eaten sandwich.” The Pew poll did find, however, that many Americans would settle for Trump or Biden if the other clientele at the café were Ron DeSantis, Chris Christie, or Marianne Williamson.