AUSTIN, TX—In an effort to provide students with everything they need to know about sexual development, sexual intercourse, and pregnancy, an updated sex ed curriculum instituted Wednesday across Texas instructed children how to stone whores. “The new and improved sex education guidelines will provide comprehensive information on how to identify harlots and execute them for their disgusting, lustful ways,” said Texas Commissioner of Education Mike Morath, adding that the course would teach students at both the middle school and high school level why loose, sexually deviant women were a scourge on society, and why they must pay the ultimate price. “Many students may be confused about their bodies, and why they feel such seething hatred toward the two-faced sluts who have irrevocably wronged them. But by the end of the six-week class, students will be armed with the knowledge necessary to safely encircle a woman, throw rocks at her with great accuracy, and yell ‘Death to whores!’ until she finally succumbs to an excruciatingly painful death. We will go over the female anatomy and which are the most sensitive points to hit with a rock.” Morath also told reporters that the lessons would include a section on gender and sexuality, as well as tools and techniques for rounding up members of the LGBTQ+ community and sending them to death camps.
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