Brought to you by: Covenant Eyes
Hey, you! Are you struggling with a porn addiction? Not good! We certainly wouldn’t know anything about that. We’ve never looked at porn, not even one time. Since we are experts at never, ever, ever looking at porn, we have compiled a list of 10 life hacks that are sure to help you overcome that pesky habit in no time!
Here’s what you can do:
- Gouge out your eyeballs: You can’t go wrong with the classic biblical approach.
- Hang a framed picture of Matt Walsh next to your computer: His stern, disapproving stare will have you back on the straight and narrow in no time.
- Quit your job as a public school librarian: Those libraries are chock full of porn. Get out of there ASAP.
- Put your computer in a more public place, like in the third lane of the 405 freeway: Accountability!
- Leave Earth and go to Mars: They don’t have porn there. Yet.
- Hire a town crier to follow you around and loudly announce whenever you look at porn: “Hear ye, hear ye!”
- Make a vow to yourself that this is the last time: That always works.
- Install an app on your phone that turns every face on the screen into Rachel Levine: Highly effective.
- Smash your phone, then run it over with a car, then throw it in the trash: Then burn the trashcan.
- Imagine God sees you looking at porn: Oh wait, He does. REPENT!
NOT SATIRE: 94 percent of men and 87 percent of women have seen pornography. For some real-life hacks, look no further than Covenant Eyes.
For the past 22 years, we have walked with more than 1.5 million people toward a porn-free life through online accountability. We are ready to walk with you as well.
To get started, download this FREE ebook Hobbies & Habits: Fighting Porn With Purpose to learn practical tips on how to build healthy hobbies and daily habits that will help you quit porn for good.
Ever wonder how Disney comes up with ideas? Here’s how they do it!
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.