Leafs fans sick of current ‘good but not good enough’ team going to love return of ‘we suck and our front office is chaos’ era

TORONTO – With Kyle Dubas out as GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs just weeks before crucial decisions have to be made about key players Auston Matthews and William Nylander, the fanbase is divided between those who think letting a successful GM go at such a critical time is a mistake, and those who are apparently looking forward to a return to the “glory” days of missing the playoffs and hiring/firing coaches and GMs all the time.

“Kyle seemed like a great person and I liked a lot of the moves he made, but it’s not like the new GM can do worse than 1 playoff round win in 5 years right?” said Martin Berton, who has apparently had his memories of the years 2005-2016 wiped away using that device from the Men In Black series.

“At the end of the day the NHL is about results. And what better way to get results than to alienate your franchise player right before he is eligible to sign a contract extension?”

Team President Brendan Shanahan gave a frank Press Conference yesterday, in which he said the team originally wanted Dubas back but ultimately chose not to after he told the media about the emotional toll the job had taken on his family. That lead Shanahan to conclude that Dubas might not be as “all in” as other potential GMs who have recently been fired from their teams due to performance issues.

“I thought Kyle had a great offseason, did a wonderful job during the season and made all the right moves at the trade deadline,” said Shanahan. “But then he talked about feelings so I had no choice but to dramatically alter our entire teams’ future without any kind of plan in place.”

“I don’t care what the new GM does. Nothing could hurt me more than this Leafs team has for the last 7 years,” said one fan who is apparently young enough that names like John Ferguson Jr., Dave Nonis, Ron Wilson, Jonathan Bernier, Cody Franson, David Clarkson and Mike Babcock don’t cause him to involuntarily shudder.

At press time the Leafs fans who knew how bad this is likely going to be were busy watching a GIF of John Tavares scoring the OT winner against Tampa on a loop while eating an entire tube of uncooked cookie dough.

Beaverton