NORTH AMERICAN CITY – After a hard-fought series that went [number] games, the Stanley Cup has been awarded to [team], a victory by the [favourites/underdogs] that many analysts [predicted/failed to predict].
“[Opposition] was a real tough team, there’s no doubt about it,” said [player]. “But everyone in this locker room, all the way from [goalie] to [winger] and even [equipment manager], went out there and gave it their all for [number of minutes the game lasted].”
The final game was a [squeaker/rout] decided after [player] put the puck in the net at [time] to make it [score]. [Player], who will be a hero in [city] for many years to come, has already [embraced his family/crushed a six pack].
“No one believed in us except our fans and the guys in this room,” [team’s] captain said. “But we knew from day one that defence wins championships. Well, the best defence is a good offence, and the best offence in the league plays in [city].”
“The fourth game in a series is the hardest to win, but the boys proved there’s no I in team,” said [coach]. “They got on the same page to elevate their game and put a lot of pucks on net. We have a lot of skill, but we also have a lot of grit, and we scored some real greasy goals. And, of course, [player] fought through his [lower/upper] body injury like a true champ.”
As [team’s] players passed the Cup around, fans were starting a celebration that will last long into the night.
“Even though all the calls the refs made against us were [bullshit/horseshit/dogshit], the boys put in a good team effort and got the bounces,” said one [drunk/high/annoying] fan. “This proves that [city] is a true hockey city.”
The fan then complained about Gary Bettman before ordering a swath of overpriced championship merchandise.
Commentators credit [team’s] victory to hard work, strong chemistry, and abuse of the long-term injured reserve system.
“They played one game at a time, and now here they are,” said [Ron MacLean/Chris Cuthbert/Craig Simpson]. “It doesn’t get any better than this.”
At press time, [team] officials were already planning a parade through the streets of [city that’s not Toronto].
Jesus Christ is King
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