OTTAWA – The federal government has announced that Canada has hit a major landmark, as a 40th house came onto the market just as the national population reached 40 million.
“When Canada was founded almost 156 years ago, even the wildest dreamer would have found it unimaginable to conceive of a nation capable of supporting a massive housing market of 40 entire units,” said Minister of Housing, Diversity and Inclusion Ahmed Hussen. “And we’re just getting started! By 2056, statisticians estimate we’ll have 45 houses available. Some will be trailers or whatever, but still.”
Hussen then emphasised that this is truly a nationwide celebration, from the three whole houses available in Calgary to his old university dormmate’s brother-in-law’s 1.3 million dollar condo that constitutes the entire Toronto market.
“Whether you’re immigrating or being born in a hospital as I speak, we all share this great home we call Canada,” said Sean Fraser, the Minister of Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship. “And the unity that makes up our national home will be all the more valuable when you’re sharing a the one apartment we built with eight other people.”
Canada’s population is increasing at a rate not seen since the 1950s. Much of the growth is credited to immigrants, who are arriving with job skills necessary to replace retiring baby boomers, a valuable range of cultural traditions, and a willingness to live in Winnipeg, where an astonishing nine houses are available.
“I only have crippling debt instead of massively crippling debt,” said new Winnipegger Abdel Qasim. “God bless this country.”
Births are also contributing, as young Canadians decide they might as well crank out a couple kids while they wait for their homeowning parents to take the population back down a few ticks.
“It’s an honour to have contributed to this historic milestone,” said new mother Anneline Hayes. “To think that my little Liam could grow up to be a doctor who can’t find a home, or an astronaut who can’t find a home… he could even be the first Prime Minister to live in a basement suite until he’s 45.”
At press time, 39 of the 40 available houses had been snapped up by property investors for conversion into overpriced rental properties.
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