‘We Don’t Look So Bad Now, Do We?’ Says Carnival Cruise Ad In Response To Missing Submersible

DORAL, FL—In response to a missing submersible intended to take tourists to the site of the Titanic wreckage, a new Carnival Cruise Line advertisement released Tuesday claimed “we don’t look so bad now, do we? “Everyone always said that our ships are floating, disease-ridden hellholes, but with everything going on, it seems like a pretty good deal now, doesn’t it?” said a smiling spokesperson, who stood on the deck of a cruise liner next to a shirtless, overweight Midwestern man vomiting off the side of the ship while saying, “Our passengers almost always live longer than four days.” “Say what you will, but while you might get violent diarrhea from eating room-temperature crab legs on a Carnival ship buffet, at least you won’t be trapped inside a submersible to die a slow death by asphyxiation miles under water. Plus, we have a pool.” At press time, thousands of passengers were killed after a Carnival ship struck an iceberg and sank to the ocean floor.