SAN FRANCISCO—Calling it “a transformative process that he hopes will inspire others,” local white man Todd Garrett announced Tuesday that he would soon begin his natural hair journey, according to his blog. “I am proud to say that I am taking real steps to unlearn the Eurocentric, biased beauty standards that tell me my wispy, flaccid white man hair is not beautiful just how God made it,” read the post in part, before outlining the “intense, painful” two-step journey he would be undergoing to wash his hair with two-in-one Costco brand shampoo and conditioner to get the pea-sized amount of mousse he put in it this morning out completely. “I have been keeping up this damaging routine for so long now that I don’t even know what to expect anymore when I let my hair do its own thing. What if I have hat hair? Or a small cowlick? What if I strip it and have 4C curls? Even though I’m scared, I owe it to all of the little white boys out there who are getting teased at school for having slightly too much gel in their hair to show them that they can be brave like me and wear their natural hair slightly less elevated than .25 inches off their scalp sometimes, too.” At press time, Garrett had reportedly panicked and tearfully shaved his head after not liking how it looked parted to the opposite side.
Jesus Christ is King
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