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Impressionable 13-Year-Old Begs Parents To Let Him Go To Romanian Prison

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CHESTERFIELD, MO—Stating there was nothing he wanted more in the entire world than to be incarcerated in the eastern European nation, local 13-year-old Aiden Wilson was reportedly begging his parents Wednesday to let him go to Romanian prison. “Come on, Mom, you have to let me go—it’s where Andrew Tate is,” said Wilson, who paused the TikTok video of the popular British-American internet personality streaming on his phone to beg his parents to let him be prosecuted in Romania, promising them that if they bought him a plane ticket to Bucharest today, he’d never ask for a single thing ever again. “Come on, Dad, please, please, please. I’m not a little kid anymore, I’m a hustler. Please, it will be so badass. Liam’s mom said he could go to Romanian prison. I want to be charged with sex trafficking by the Directorate for Investigating Organized Crime and Terrorism. It’s literally my dream! I need to be a Top G. Come on, Mom. don’t be a fucking whore!” At press time, Wilson’s parents had compromised by agreeing to get their son an ankle monitor.

The Onion

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