Commentator Joe Rogan has a history of making contentious and problematic remarks on his incredibly popular podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience. The Onion examines some of his most controversial statements.
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“Feet can lick.”
Who can forget his podcast discussion with controversial podiatrist Miles Whitney where he doubled down on his claim that each of the toes has a little tongue that can lick things.
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“Autism gives you WiFi.”
The paper he cited that having autism can make you a wireless hotspot has been heavily debunked.
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“Women probably deserve a few rights.”
His fans did not like this one, threatening to boycott his show if he didn’t rescind his statement and issue an apology to all the men who had been hurt by his words.
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“If I’m so smart, why don’t I debate myself.”
Rogan then subsequently spent an excruciating three hours interviewing himself, during which he repeatedly called himself a liar, a coward, and accused himself of trying to cancel himself.
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“Cum is just vanilla piss.”
He said this while holding an evolutionary biologist in a headlock.
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“If you are a healthy person and you’re exercising all the time and you’re young and you’re eating well, I don’t think you need to worry about getting vaccinated.”
Rogan sparked massive controversy in April 2021 by giving a lot of his listeners a pass to believe that they’re healthy, exercising all the time, or eating well.
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“The Jews control the Jews.”
Many called Rogan antisemitic for perpetuating this hateful stereotype.
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“You’re allowed to ask the members of the jury out to dinner to wine and dine them before they deliver their verdict, and the judge has to pay for it and one of the jury members has to neck with you a little bit in the back of the court bus before you drive them back to the courthouse.”
Rogan’s grasp of the U.S. legal system has always been tenuous at best.
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“All modern Italians are descended from one holy giant meatball and their brains are made of ricotta cheese.”
It’s never cool to go after a culture’s religious beliefs.
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“I hate having muscles”
The podcaster was accused of encouraging eating disorders after stating, “My muscles make me look fat,” and, “My goal weight is 99 pounds.”
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“Carlos Mencia is stealing other comedians’ material.”
Pretty hypocritical for this crusader against cancel culture to indulge in cancel culture himself, no?
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“This episode is brought to you by MeUndies.”
There’s no way in hell Joe Rogan wears MeUndies.
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“I’ve been really hitting the gym and I’m stronger than ever.”
Hah, he thinks he’s strong? Guy really is a comedian. What does he bench? Three hundred? Three hundred and fifteen? That’s kid stuff. Let us know when you’re done changing your diaper and need a spot.
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“I’m going by ‘Joey The Cool Guy’ now.”
Super embarrassing to look back on now that we know it never caught on.
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“I have invented a super slur 1 million times more powerful than the N-word.”
Spotify offered him an additional $50 million if he says it exclusively on their platform.
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“Help, I have been absorbed into the audio space and lost my physical form.”
Many were disgusted by old footage that surfaced of Rogan’s soul leaving his body and being sucked into a dimension made only of sound.
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“Sorry.”
Rogan has since apologized for saying sorry once and has so far kept his promise to never do it again.
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“Is it weird that I’m hungry again?”
Um, kind of. We just ate, dude.
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“My popularity owes less to any particular talent on my part than to a continued general decline in critical thinking skills under an economic system that prefers mindless conformity, because that makes for workers who are easier to control, so many people lack basic knowledge about things like science and medicine. Additionally, their experiences with things like our miserable for-profit healthcare system convince them that there is, in fact, something deeply wrong with the way things are, and it comes from the top. There is something wrong, of course, yet the liberal elite consensus embodied in the ‘Nothing will fundamentally change’ proclamations of people like Joe Biden alienates anyone who notices that there are fundamental problems with the ways things are structured. Unfortunately, because of that general lack of critical thinking skills I mentioned earlier, it is much easier to go the traditional conservative route and simply cast blame for the way things are on easy targets like women, minorities, or intellectuals than do the difficult and nuanced work of separating the truth from ideological fictions. The erosion of trust under a system that intrinsically disdains trust makes people prone to believing conspiracy theories where none exist, and it’s easy for someone like me to traffic in those, and occasionally make what sound like anti-elite talking points, although the truth is that I’m just another arm of the elite consensus helping to peddle distractions that keep people from forming the communal bonds with which they might finally address the basic material conditions of their own lives.”
He was crazy for this one.
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“Wine? More like mommy juice!”
Oh, hold on, sorry—that was a decorative ceramic tile we saw at Home Goods that said that.
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“Joe Biden is very old”
Fact check: Joe Biden will be 16 years old this November.
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“American Psycho is the only good song from the otherwise hollow Graves-era Misfits.”
Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
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