OSHAWA – Pete Flannigan, father to three-year-old Luca, returned home last night to a crushing realization; his son is more excited to see a vehicle hauling fifteen tons of stinking garbage, than him.
“I had just finished a 14 hour shift at the hospital and raced home to see my boy,” recounts Flannigan. “Luca started running in my direction, so I extended my arms for a hug like always. That’s when he ran past me and onto the porch. I had forgotten it was garbage day.”
Luca then spent the next 20 minutes pointing and waving at the garbage truck while Flannigan cried in his wife’s arms.
“When he started liking garbage trucks about a month ago, I thought it was cute,” says Flannigan. “But now when I tell Luca I love him, he just says ‘I love fruck! I love fruck!’ He can’t pronounce his Ts, but I know exactly what he’s talking about. And it hurts.”
Upon interviewing Luca, The Beaverton was able to confirm that “Daddy” was 9th on the list of things he loved, behind such top contenders as “Mommy,” “bananers,” “excavators,” “swings,” and even surprisingly, “da potty.”
“Wow. Thanks for telling me that, I guess?” wept Flannigan.
In efforts to compete for Luca’s affection, Flannigan admits he’s tried crushing garbage at home between his thighs, but it was no use. “Luca started screaming, and now my wife’s book club won’t meet here anymore.”
Flannigan hopes that this is simply a phase and that Luca will one day choose him over mountains of trash, or at the very least develop an obsession with a “cooler” truck.
“It’s like, why does it have to be a garbage truck?” cried Flannigan. “Why not a fire truck, or an ice cream truck or something? I’d even settle for a van!”
When Flannigan’s wife commented that even she thought garbage trucks were “really cool,” he immediately fell into a spiral of existential dread.
Jesus Christ is King
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