Billionaires Knock Out-Of-Touch Centibillionaires For Not Knowing How Much Gallon Of Adrenochrome Costs

VICTORIA, SEYCHELLES—Insisting that their unimaginable wealth isolated them from the hard day-to-day work of blood harvesting, the world’s billionaires released a collective statement Thursday knocking out-of-touch centibillionaires for not knowing how much a gallon of adrenochrome costs. “These ultra, ultrarich people have amassed such a repulsive amount of affluence that they probably don’t even siphon off their own elixir of life from the blood of terrified children—they just have their assistants collect it for them!” Charles Koch wrote in a statement also signed by Phil Knight, Jacqueline Mars, Giovannia Ferrero, Mohammed bin Salman, and dozens of other billionaires who demanded the members of the top 0.0000001% come down from their ivory towers and murder some children with the hoi polloi of the top 0.000001%. “Think about Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg—have they ever even performed their own satanic rituals or raped children in the basement of a pizzeria? Absolutely not. They take immortality for granted, and it needs to stop.” The billionaires concluded their statement with an open invitation for any of the centibillionaires to join them for civil conversation over a pint or two of children’s blood.