Company’s New Dress Code Prohibits All Clothing But Little Sailor Suits

CHICAGO—The directive to wear navy blue-and-white nautical-themed attire going into effect immediately, a new dress code mandated this week by software company Nexus Solutions prohibited all clothing but little sailor suits. “Given the need for our workplace to have a more professional appearance, we are instituting a strict sailor boy suit-only dress code,” said CEO Leo Mezgale, explaining that it was important for visiting clients to see that they were working with a group of precious little darlings. “It’s unbecoming for a company of our stature to have employees come into the office with jeans when you should be wearing an ascot instead. Should we see that you do not have an oversized lollipop in your hand at any time, we will be forced to dock your pay. We are a company of adorable, rosy red-cheeked sweetie pies, and we should look the part.” At press time, several workers were told to go home and change into a cuter sailor’s cap.