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Free Agent Kyrie Irving Excited To Alienate All Potential Options

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DALLAS—In response to questions concerning where he would play in the 2023-2024 season, free agent guard Kyrie Irving told reporters Monday that he was excited to alienate all potential options. “There are several teams that are definitely at the top of my list in terms of who I’d be most interested in taking meetings with to completely piss off,” said Irving, adding that there were many teams whose chemistry he could destroy by signing with them and giving them absolutely no chance of making it to the NBA Finals. “I’m definitely considering re-alienating the Mavericks, but I also think I could really irritate the coaching staffs on teams like the Suns and the Heat. I could also always go to a rebuilding team to help ruin the development of their younger guys. Of course, it’s always tempting to just sign with the Lakers and spend every day making LeBron James’ life a living hell.” The 31-year-old added that he wanted to take his time with his decision, as he hoped to stay with his future team until mid-December when they finally get sick of his bullshit and waive him.

The Onion

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