BOISE, ID — A new report confirmed by multiple sources indicates the guy driving in front of you has the absolute nerve to drive the legal speed limit on the one-lane freeway you’re driving on. What a jerk!
“You’re supposed to go 5-10 miles per hour over the limit, everyone knows this,” said one eyewitness who also found himself stuck behind the thoughtless creep going 65 miles per hour like an utter weirdo. “This guy obviously either didn’t get the memo or he’s literally never driven a car before. Jerk!”
Though exceeding the posted speed limit is legally wrong, all sensible Americans have agreed to an unspoken rule that speed limits are more like guidelines. “Nobody drives the speed limit,” continued the witness. “You either drive below the speed limit, in which case you’re a grandpa who doesn’t belong on the road, or you go way too fast, in which case you’re an impatient moron who has no regard for the safety of others. But drive the speed limit? Only MAJOR jerks do that.”
The jerk driving the speed limit in front of you could not be reached for comment, but that does not change the fact that he is, as suspected, a jerk. “Every reasonable person drives faster than the speed limit,” the eyewitness concluded. “It’s just like insurance fraud. Is it technically legal? No. But everyone does it anyway, right? No? Why are you looking at me like that?”
At publishing time, an investigation was ongoing to determine if the jerk driving the speed limit in front of you was actually a dangerous psychopath or just merely a jerk.
Nothing weird, just a bunch of bros hanging out drinking Bud Light and talking about their feelings. Just chilling. Not gay.
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Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
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