NEW YORK, NY — Former President Donald Trump continues to find himself on the receiving end of serious legal charges after being indicted in New York for eating pizza cooked in a wood-burning oven.
“He must face justice for this heinous act,” said New York City Mayor Eric Adams. “Everyone knows wood-burning pizza ovens are a danger to public safety and pose the most immediate threat to our democracy. President Trump must learn he is not above the law.”
In recordings leaked to CNN, Trump can be heard talking about how much he’s enjoying the authentic, New York pizza he’s eating. Audible gasps could be heard in the CNN studio as the audio was played. “This is one of the more disturbing things I’ve ever heard,” said news anchor Jake Tapper. “And that’s saying something because I hear Anderson Cooper’s voice every day.”
Trump was officially indicted for the crime and was expected to arrive back in New York for arraignment next week. The former president defiantly addressed the indictment in a post to his Truth Social account. “THE DEEP STATE AND THE RADICAL LEFT ARE AT IT AGAIN,” he said. “FIRST IT WAS RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA, THEN IMPEACHMENT HOAX #1, THEN IMPEACHMENT HOAX #2, NOW THIS! REMEMBER, THEY’RE COMING AFTER YOUR PIZZA, I’M JUST STANDING IN THEIR WAY! WITCH HUNT!”
At publishing time, federal prosecutors had reportedly intensified their investigation after it was learned Trump was in possession of a wood-burning pizza oven at his home in Trump Tower.
Nothing weird, just a bunch of bros hanging out drinking Bud Light and talking about their feelings. Just chilling. Not gay.
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Babylon Bee
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