Jesus' Coming Back

First U.S. Malaria Cases Diagnosed In Decades In Florida, Texas

The CDC has confirmed that five cases of malaria have been discovered in Florida and Texas, the first time the potentially fatal mosquito-borne disease has been locally acquired in the United States in 20 years. What do you think?

“Really takes the enjoyment out of being bitten by a mosquito.”

Quinn Moller, Shoelace Inspector

“We can just put the malaria on a bus and ship it to Massachusetts.”

Chase Dickinson, Sand Trap Raker

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“Thankfully, there’s already a vaccine for me to refuse.”

Pablo Mendez, Seatbelt Engineer

The Onion

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