AUSTIN, TX—Addressing the life-threatening heat dome that has settled over Texas, Gov. Greg Abbott (R) announced Thursday that a backup prayer system had been added to the state electricity grid. “To prevent the deadly outages we’ve experienced over the last few years, these new reserves will kick in to supply affected residents with prayers to our Lord and Savior,” said Abbott, adding that as soon as the power grid failed, God would be called upon to provide electricity to the millions of homes that have lost power. “The dozens of regional prayer circles we have set up will kneel and immediately begin to mitigate the strain on our current inefficient electrical system. Residents can rest assured that as soon as a blackout occurs, our new system will ask our Heavenly Father to return power so that no one dies of heat stroke.” At press time, several Texans were shocked to discover that they had already been charged tens of thousands of dollars for backup prayer usage.
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